We all eat food.

If you do not eat food, I must question certain things about your lifestyle and longevity.

Food is the universal language. You serve someone a good meal, and it doesn’t matter what culture they come from. Food speaks to us on a gut level, sings to us in ways even music can’t replicate. Food is love. Food is life.

Then there are the foods that are best described as monstrous. These go beyond the “everything on it” wheel of cheese and tomato sauce known as the American pizza. Monster foods are combinations of ingredients and flavours that are strange and terrifying, violating our culinary common sense.

These monsters prove oddly appetising at the same time.

For example, look at this picture.

Yes, those are skewers of bacon. Yes, that is chocolate coiling around the bacon. It shouldn’t make any sense, but it does. It makes even more sense when you start eating it. The combination is simple, and like sushi, that’s probably why it has such an impact.

During a trip to Minnesota last year, I discovered another similarly nonsensical combination. Imagine macaroni and cheese, that strange comfort food that some people enjoy. Now, imagine that turned into a cupcake.

I wasn’t sure what to make of it either. It wasn’t bad, but I sure as heck wasn’t sure what to think about it even after eating it.

In the realm of the less extreme, I’ve also had a taste of meatloaf on a stick. It isn’t odd or anything like that. Just that eating it on a stick seems like a novel experience, compared to how I usually eat meatloaf.

My cousin Charlotte created the grilled bacon sandwich. I hesitate to call it a sandwich because it involves no bread at all, though. Instead, she grilled strips of bacon and slapped slices of cheese between them.

She had done this year before KFC did the same thing, but with chicken patties.

An American friend of mine introduced me to Buffalo wings some years ago. She also introduced me to waffles. More recently, Stacy decided to introduce me to waffle wings. Waffles stuffed with spicy chicken wings.

I am still trying to process that if I’m honest. She says she cooked the batter around the chicken until everything was in place and set.

For those among you with a bad sweet tooth, the idea of ice cream served in a cone made out of a chocolate chip cookie might sound divine. It also looks like a dream, something that probably won’t ever happen.

You would be wrong. Somewhere out there, someone did that. They took a gigantic chocolate chip cookie and baked it, so it was flexible enough to wrap into a cone shape. That person then added two scoops of vanilla ice cream.

To be honest, I think it’s a logical extension of the notion of a waffle cone.

I have also seen strips of bacon, deep-fried in beer batter and more bacon. Somehow, that looks like a heart attack in the making.